


one last kiss (i love you like an alcoholic)

by jaufea



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Eventual Happy Ending, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, ive had this idea for months, uhhh its not as sad as i make it out to be, well its kind of sad in the beginning but
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-03 12:07:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12748011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaufea/pseuds/jaufea
Summary: “You love me.” Jeremy says.Michael still doesn’t look at him, and Jeremy has his answer.





	one last kiss (i love you like an alcoholic)

**Author's Note:**

> hi i promise this is going somewhere. also im at animenyc this weekend say hello at table D5!
> 
> twitter: @_jaufea

It happens on an otherwise unremarkable Thursday evening, Jeremy cornering Michael in the school parking lot after receiving a text from Chloe. Backpack thrown haphazardly down on the ground, the noise grabbing Michael’s attention. He doesn’t have time to get in his car before a hand is on his shoulder, a phone in his face. It’s hard to read up close, but the rumor mill has spun enough today that he’s already got a good idea of what it might say.

_“You know, Michael’s in love with you.”_

_[Attachment: image.png]_

The attachment is a photo of Rich’s cracked screen, Michael’s texts to him pulled up, something Chloe had obviously taken when Rich left his cell alone for a few minutes. The legible texts are damning, to say the least.

The problem lies in this: Michael didn’t trust Jeremy’s friends after the SQUIP. Well, most of them were okay. Rich was actually, genuinely fun to hang out with, and so was Jake. Christine was an absolute sweetheart and Brooke wasn’t too bad, either. It was Chloe and Jenna Michael worried the most about.

At first, Michael thought they weren’t all bad, but he slowly realized they didn’t have the SQUIP governing their mind when they tortured him and Jeremy for years, and his opinion of them is only solidified when... sensitive information regarding his romantic feelings towards his best friend were spread through the school like the plague. Jenna’s gossip, Chloe’s contacts. They made a horrifyingly efficient pair.

The collision of Michael’s Secret Crush vs. Jeremy’s Unforgiving Heterosexuality was inevitable, but Michael didn’t think it would come this early or be this far out of his hands. He’s expecting the backlash before Jeremy even opens his mouth, can’t even face his best friend of over a decade. He can’t take this right now. Not when they were just getting back to normal.

“You love me.” Jeremy says.

Michael still doesn’t look at him, and Jeremy has his answer.

“Michael,” Jeremy says, drawing the phone out his face and back into his pocket. There’s no hint of emotion in his voice, no shake or waver. Michael can’t tell if that’s because he’s stunned or trying to keep the anger out of his voice, “you’re in love with me.”

It’s not a question anymore- it’s a statement, and the words rattle around Michael’s hollow chest like a bell, _ding, ding, ding!_

The silence is sickening, it’s thick and heavy in the air between them, but Michael can’t think of a way out of this, can’t think of anything to say to deflect what’s been bubbling under the surface for so long. He contemplates maneuvering his way out of this, backing up behind the edge into safety. Instead, he lets his mouth move on auto pilot, generating the quickest response he can.

“I- so what?”

Jeremy’s eyebrows fly up, his expression is priceless, like he didn’t expect him to fess up so easily, if at all. Michael would laugh if he didn’t feel like he would throw up if he opened his mouth. Jeremy’s hand comes off his shoulder like he’s been branded with the words, and he stumbles into his response.

“So what?” Jeremy asks, as if it’s the most ridiculous thing he’s heard in his life, like the suggestion that it’s not a big deal is insulting, “so- so I have a girlfriend! I’m in a relationship!”

Michael fails to see how that matters- he was still in love with Christine while she was dating Jake- but he doesn’t say that. He doesn’t want to say anything, wants to keep his mouth sealed and let the world dissolve around him already, but Jeremy is asking him for an explanation without words and he’s so, so tired of keeping it a secret. And when has he ever been able to say no to Jeremy?

“You think I don’t know that?” Michael says, barely keeping the edge of frustration out of his voice. His hands dig into his hair, searching for words to say and silently begging his voice not to quake while he treads into this territory he never thought he’d have to encounter. Why did this have to happen to him? He had been so good at being quiet, so careful.

God, why is this so hard?

“It’s not like- like I want to be in love with you,” he stutters out. It’s only half true- he wishes the situation were different, wishes he could like someone within reach, but he would choose Jeremy a million times over. He would choose Jeremy at any time, any lifetime or universe, but Jeremy doesn’t really need to know that. Not right now. Probably not ever.

“No?” Jeremy implores, egging Michael deeper into this grave he’s dug himself. Michael takes off his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose as Jeremy stares bewildered at his sudden claim. He doesn’t want to see what Jeremy thinks of the next part. He folds them up and shoves them into his pocket, car keys jingling as he unlocks his car. He needs to leave.

“No,” he says, opening the door. “I mean, Jesus, Jere, if I had a choice, it would have saved me years of miserably pining after you.”

Jeremy suddenly slams the car door closed, Michael yelping in surprise. “Dude, what the fuck?”

“Years?”

Michael is taken aback by Jeremy’s question, but nods dumbly.

“I- how many?” Jeremy asks, equally as dumb.

The whole situation is so absurd, Michael feels like he’s in the fucking twilight zone, and can’t help but choke out a laugh. How long. How long. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly, so Michael picks the first moment that comes to mind, the first time he felt like this. His hands shake, the keys rattle. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me. Tell me. Please?”

Michael heaves a sigh. Runs a hand through his hair. Steels himself. Places his car keys uselessly on the hood of his PT Cruiser and clears his throat.

“Remember... remember when we saw Tangled, and you said something like, ‘I want to find my Rapunzel one day!’”

Jeremy cringes at the memory. “God, don’t remind me. That sounds ridiculous now.”

Michael waves him off. “It’s fine, we were like, eleven.” The rush of fondness Michael feels helps dull the numbing sensation spreading through his chest. “But listen. When little hopeless romantic Jeremiah said that, I thought about it for the whole rest of the day. I don’t really know when it dawned on me, I just remember being in bed like, ‘Holy shit, he’s my Rapunzel.’”

Michael remembers this as clearly as if it happened minutes ago. Lying under his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comforter, looking at the glow in the dark stars he and Jeremy had stuck to his ceiling without his mom’s permission. The first inkling of _this._

Jeremy takes a thoughtful pause, absorbing the information about as well as being hit by a ton of bricks. “That was like, seven years ago.”

“I know.”

“You’ve been... you’ve liked me for seven years??”

Michael hadn’t even realized. He stopped keeping track when he was sixteen. Eighteen minus eleven... “I guess it has been that long, huh?” he says, sheepishly rubbing at his neck.

Jeremy’s eyes are downcast, struggling with the info dump. Michael can’t blame him, really. He’s known these feelings as fact for over half a decade and he’s still overwhelmed by them.

“I can’t... I just started dating Christine, Michael, I can’t do this to her.” He finally chokes out. He sounds equal parts disturbed, upset and angry.

Michael adopts the same feelings quickly, feels fire lick at his heels. He wasn’t the one who caused this problem. He was fine living in silence.  
“Christ, Jeremy, I’m not asking you to marry me! I didn’t even want to tell you! You’re the one who dragged it out of me!”

“No, Michael, that’s the problem. I... Jesus, fuck.” Jeremy’s hands drop in his lap, panic washing over his features. Michael goes from frustrated to protective so fast it feels like an emotional whiplash.

He raises his hands to put a comforting hand on Jeremy, immediately switching into his protective friend mode despite the circumstances. “Jere, dude... it’s okay.” 

“It’s not!” Jeremy interrupts, backing away as if Michael was about to burn him. They stare at each other for a long moment, startled at the outburst. Was it really that much to take in?

Michael has no time to implore or try to do damage control before Jeremy picks up his backpack, heaving it over his shoulder, not even bothering to say anything more than “I have to go” before running off, leaving Michael with his shaky hands, rattling keys and empty chest.


End file.
